New things

Yesterday, I paid a visit to the lovely folks at Top Rehab. I could tell they missed me so much since I was the victim, I mean patient, of Andrea and Tracy. First, Andi, she likes it when I call her that, did leg measurements and strength tests. Two of the strength tests I failed miserably, I came to pt awake, for once and feeling strong.
That didn't last long, after the initial stretching of quads and hamstrings, I stood on one leg and did heel and toe raises, holding on of course. No need to do a faceplant in front of the children.
Then came the biggest loser moment, the "treadmill". Excuse me did you just at treadmill? Is that some new way of torture?
My mind was reeling, when was the last time I had been on a treadmill? I'm not sure. So I stare down my opponent, willing it to breakdown.
Did it work? Not exactly, after five minutes of begging I took off the drama queen crown and stepped on this new shiny piece of machinery.
With Andi by myside and Tracy snickering behind her desk, I made the first step.
Hey, wait a minute, this is just like walking!
My knees grew weak and my heart went into fibrillation as they messed witn the buttons. Can you walk just a little faster? Asked Andrea. So at 2.5 mph and 7% incline, I marched holding on for dear life.
They were kind enough to show me this carnival ride had a personal fan, just for me. Isn't that special? How about a personal defibrillator?
Five minutes later, I was freed from the beast. Feeling faint I wanted to take a knee but then I realized I can't squat down. So I powered on to the next exercise of what I don't remember, I was slightly hypoxic.
I almost forgot, I got the thrill of doing heel stool scoots. Did I just enter damnation? One lap around the gym and pray you stay on the stool after you run over your own foot.
More exercises are done, my reps are increased to twenty with a one pound weight. Not so bad, then Tracy tells me I must mount the ancient bicycle. Yes, I said mount. I limp over to ole "Rusty" and make the leap to the seat. Maybe I should tell them my real height is about three inches shorter. Oh well, five minutes later its off for wall slides and electroshock therapy.
Tracy, brought over my electrodes and placed them over the quad muscles. Then she delicately turned the machine on full blast, causing a surge of adrenaline only felt when hit by lightning.
I now layed quivering in the fetal position, listening to her thunderous roar of laughter, as she turned down the volts.
If my quad muscles weren't working before they are now.
Finally, I was released from captivity and hurried out the door before Tracy called United Regional to reserve me a death room. Oops! I said I wouldn't reveal the name. Its out now.
All in all I must say this weeks physical therapy session was hair raising to say the least.